I call it an art because even though it is a natural expression of the soul and heart, for many it can often be a difficult feeling to connect with. We actually have to learn to feel more of it and to decide consciously to cultivate it.

In today’s culture, we are taught to be hard on ourselves and others. To be judgmental, critical, and have high expectations, and this is extremely harmful to our health because as humans we are naturally imperfect and inclined to make mistakes.

Why?

Because our actions, thoughts, and emotions are controlled up to 95% by the unconscious mind. That means that we’re not even in control of most of what we do, think, and feel! We’re being controlled by the programming that we received from our upbringing, families, friends, communities and the information that we have inherited in our DNA.

And, we are wired to act based on information that is riddled with limitation, fear, control, and judgment.

Information that naturally separates us from others and hurts our relationships, fills us with self-doubt, pulls us from our dreams, sabotages our success, and essentially keep us in suffering states.

We live in a dense reality. Physical reality is a slow vibration! That means that the very nature of being human is to be dense.

To be made up of limitation.

Imagine how much information and awareness our physical bodies and brains have to keep out in order for us to even have this experience.

If we are the eternal, endless soul creating this, and we are actually successfully convincing ourselves that we are mortal, that we are limited, that we are stuck, that we are lost… Imagine how much limitation is built into the very structure of our existence.

To understand this is to understand then that it is only natural to be flawed, and that no matter how much we grow we continue to be human. We continue to be limited…

So, the spiritual path, the path of personal evolution is about becoming self-aware so we can practice acting consciously. We practice it over and over again, over time, until we are able to influence change in our hard drive—in our unconscious mind—and that is what we call growth. We re-train ourselves.

We continuously find more and more layers of limitation to move through, integrate, and release. We continuously become aware of more and more of our own unconsciousness and limitation. We continuously come face to face with the very messy nature of what it means to be human.

So, sometimes, that means it feels like we’re going in circles. Not progressing. Not growing.

Like, it’s a futile attempt because as we become more aware of ourselves we recognize that despite our effort and commitment to our growth we can continue to default into the same reactions we do not desire, time and time again.

In other words, we realize that the very nature of our existence is to make the same mistakes over and over again.

We do this on so many levels with so many things because it goes back to the fact that we are driven and controlled mostly by our unconscious programming.

We go into the same toxic relationships over and over again.

We stay stuck in the same self-destructive habits.

We play out the same self-sabotaging mechanisms.

We repeat the same unhealthy emotional reactions.

Think about the man that keeps choosing the woman that mistreats him. Or, the woman attracted to unavailable men. The alcoholic that wants so bad to quit, but can’t. The mother that shouts uncontrollably at her kids that knows it’s not okay, but can’t control herself when her anger takes over.

We all have built in programming that wires us to act in ways that are not aligned with who we actually desire to be. And yet, to grow is to realize that realizing it isn’t enough.

You realize you act in a certain way. You accept that you don’t like it and that continuing to act that way does not serve you. You decide that you’re going to change. You commit to yourself that you’re going to change.

And then, you don’t. You keep repeating the same patterns. You do it again!

Everyone on a path of personal growth resonates with this at least on some level.

Obviously, we are actually growing! We are actually learning.

We have to revisit the same lessons over and over again in order to integrate different aspects, from different angles, and to pull the information into all levels of our being going much deeper than mental understanding.

It’s as if we have to revisit similar situations so as to actually embody the change and create the new habit—become the new programming.

But in the process, wow, it can be hard, because we become critical, mean, and judgmental towards ourselves.

“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I change”
“How could I make the same mistake AGAIN?”

We think so many mean things about ourselves, judge ourselves, and bully ourselves… It can be frustrating, painful, overwhelming, embarrassing, and shameful.

To come face to face with our humanity with such honesty.

Often we “repeat the same mistake”, repeat the pattern, play out the limited programming so many times, for so long, that it hurts so much, we get so frustrated, we take it to such a far place that we literally can’t take it anymore.

From that place of energy we are able to make a new decision, make a different conscious choice, and spark momentum so that we can move towards the person we desire to be.

But, it doesn’t stop there. It continues. We have to consciously choose to stay in our alignment. It doesn’t necessarily come naturally, because no matter how much we grow we don’t stop being human. And, if we don’t stop being human, we don’t stop being controlled by our unconscious mind.

So, then what do you do with all of this? How do we move through this process with more peace, joy, and freedom?

I believe (among many other skills) it is through compassion.

By remembering first that being human is not easy, and that no matter how badly we mess up, we are always doing our best.

I truly believe that.

That everyone is always giving and doing their very best, making choices from the level of awareness that they are embodying in that moment, and we can’t expect them or ourselves to know more than we know.

We practice compassion by loosening the expectations we place on ourselves and others. By understanding our nature and recognizing that we are naturally imperfect.

By embracing mistakes as a part of our growing process. Not running away from mistakes, hiding from mistakes, denying mistakes, or trying to create the illusion of perfection, but by accepting that we have to make mistakes to grow. And we will. Many more.

We practice compassion by feeling fully the rawness of all our emotions—the pain, guilt, fear, shame, sadness—while simultaneously knowing, even in the smallest little piece of ourselves that we are loved unconditionally by life just as we are.

We can hold many truths at the same time.

We can know that there are many ways that we could be better, many ways we still need to grow, and simultaneously know that from a cosmic perspective we are perfect exactly as we are now, as we are part of what makes existence, existence now.

There is so much healing in being compassionate towards our humanity.

Compassionate for the choices that we make in life that end up feeling like mistakes. Choices that make us lose friends, lose money, lose dreams.

Compassionate for not knowing how to love or to be loved, and as a result hurting the ones closest to us.

Indeed, this is one of the most powerful examples of the power and importance of compassion.

What else can you do? What else can you practice when faced with the reality that as humans the people that we love, the people that we are closest to are the ones we hurt the most?

What do we do with that? How do we integrate that? How do we deal that?

With compassion.

We all think unkind thoughts, do unkind things, judge ourselves and others unkindly, and instead of denying that, and pretending it doesn’t exist we must practice compassion.

We default into unhealthy lifestyle patterns and consciously choose to do things that we are not good for us. So, do we judge ourselves? Or, do we practice compassion?

We want love so badly that we often abandon ourselves, our needs, and desires so that we can feel acceptance and affection from others. Most people feel so ashamed of this. Feel so pathetic and so needy for being human. And I believe, that we must just have compassion for ourselves.

Have compassion, invite compassion, practice compassion for all these things and more.

By inviting compassion into our hearts in the most difficult, painful, and shameful aspects of our lives, we breathe life into our humanity.

We use the difficulty and density of our experience as a tool to soften our hearts, to expand them more, and in that way open ourselves to more love.

When we realize that we will always be “in progress” and that personal evolution is a path of a lifetime, we can do nothing else but practice compassion towards ourselves.

For it is through this medicine and this medicine alone that we can learn to be the with the fullness of who we are in all aspects—light and dark—because without it, to face our truths would be much too painful to bare.

Compassion helps us to accept the messy, emotional, and chaotic nature of being human. The unconsciousness of it all.

Without compassion “healing” becomes avoidance, because the lack of compassion is the presence of judgment. And, to judge a part of ourselves is to separate from a part of ourselves.

Compassion then helps us accept and embrace the parts of us that hurt the most, that scare us the most, that we judge the most.

It is the medicine that makes us whole again.

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